Nigerians may actually be the “Walking Dead”

Walking Dead 2
In a Country of more than 160 Million people, you will expect the Walking Dead, to be the minority, but I am truly telling you that the reverse is the case. The majority of the Nigerian Public are duly certified “Walking Dead”. I really do not know why they did not use our Terrain for the actual “Walking Dead” Series or the “Resident Evil” Sequel.
Walking Dead, this notion seems a bit too fictional to be true, but believe me when I say that, more than 50% of Nigerians can collapse at any time. In the coming paragraphs will be a pool of reasons why we Nigerians have clocks ticking around us in every location, so join me on this wavy swim.
Generators, I know you guessed this one. Generators are the only things that are competing for parking space with Cars in Nigeria and this is because of the very epileptic power supply in the Country. After all, you stylishly turn the key whenever you want to put it on, like a Car. These Generators even have the guts to start competing with the “Gen. Abbreviation” with the Major Generals. These noisy facilities, produce a very harmful substance known as Carbon Monoxide. You know about Carbon Dioxide, then imagine another gas that is 100 times more toxic, that’s Carbon Monoxide. This gas is emitted by almost every Generator used in Nigeria and trust me when I say that it’s the most Silent Assassin you can ever come in contact with. Whenever your Neighbour’s Gen. is making very funny sounds (they always make funny sounds, even the tear rubber ones, so make sure that the sound you hear is very stupidly funny before you go and slap your Neighbour for nothing) endeavour to call him/her out and see to the issue, because the day that Generator decides to pull out a pack of Cigarettes, your lungs aren’t going to find the puffs all that sexy. Minus all these problems that come with these Generator Menaces, the air that God has blessed us with for free, is constantly being polluted by this Carbon Monoxide. So, whenever you inhale that very smooth Oxygen into your lungs, just reminisce on all the fragments of Carbon Monoxide you must have joined your Neighbour to smoke during that Imaginary Tea Party that took place on your Street.
Face-Me-I-Face-You, This is one very life threatening condition that many Nigerians find normal, or most pleasurable due to the economic turmoil we constantly face in the country. How can you be in your Home and you will be smelling the fart of your next-door neighbour? Whenever you cough/sneeze, all the whole compound of neighbours will shout, Bless You Sir! You can even watch your neighbours make babies, most of the flats do not even have curtains. Now tell me how you can have peace and quiet in your Home, when the atmosphere in your home is shared with you by your neighbours. You will just be constantly subjected to unwanted stress, pollution (the smell of Mama Kafiat’s firewood alone can cause instant Catarrh, talk less of her “I better pass my neighbour generator” noises), headaches from all the arguments of your neighbours (not forgetting all the baby factory emissions). You have pushed wheel barrow under the hot sun, inhaled fumes from all the roadside lorries passing by, ate only five puff puff and drank pure water, you are finally back home, and you cannot even breathe in fresh air and have a clear mind to even think (the cycle repeats itself). How long do you think this can last before you end up in the Hospital?
Hospitals, Now, in Nigeria, we have buildings, usually white in colour that we call hospitals (this is usually because of the faded cross signs you may struggle to see somewhere on the buildings). Don’t get me wrong, we should have at least a few good hospitals in the Country, but the issue is that the majority are in terrible shape. These buildings, are not well ventilated, so if your rushed into one of them for asthmatic reasons then you should as well endeavour to go online and order a coffin, just in case. The lack of proper hospital environment, the lack of an iota of affection from the hospital personnel (especially the nurses). So, let us imagine that, you just came in for a check-up, you might as well leave with a souvenir containing a nicely packed cough, cold and flu.
Markets, Have you taken out time to examine the trading conditions that market people face every day? Most of them, already have very red eyes and this because of the incessant pollution they face. Even the food stuffs, due to lack of clean environment, tend to raise up their armpits and join in the ooze party (and we the buyers will have no choice but to buy them, man must chop).
After leaving this market, you will still enter one bus that the petrol tank is constantly farting the air in sync with the conductor. You will watch, move away from and sometimes engage in fights, injure your skin. Then when you reach your street (your noble domain) the noise will still continue; the smell and pollution will still continue (don’t forget that you haven’t even eaten a proper meal yet). You go to your Kitchen to fix something nice and then discover that all the foodstuffs you bought aren’t fresh and then you manage them, only to receive a very painful stomach ache as payback. You go to the toilet to drop all the bombs you’re carrying (hopefully some relief may come with it) you start sweating profusely, like you just finished 10 rounds of sex. You are eventually done and reach out to the flusher, only to discover that it currently has no ammo. Now the smell is all over your precious house (plus the ones streaming itself from your neighbour’s). You then fall on your bed, as that is the only place you can confide in, but cool breeze seems to have lost its way to your room that night and then Mr. Headache aka Mr. Life-aches comes knocking beside one part of your forehead (let’s not forget that Mr. Sweat is still busy by the borehole trying to pump some salty water). The generator fumes are partially infesting the atmospheric buoyancy of your room, but as an African Man, our organs have already been lifting weight for all these problems, so we suck it all up and release it during our snoring sleep and then we wake up the next day with many mosquito bites (that is if the mosquito doesn’t do time keeper work beside your Eardrums).
Basically, this same cycle of events is constantly repeated on a daily basis. So, you can just imagine the hardship that an average Nigerian goes through every day. This is really unacceptable, it is terrible. Whenever, you see Nigerians walking on the road with their eyes glowing with different colours, just imagine the internal and external discomfort these people are going through and they have accepted these abnormalities as the fruits of life, which is not so and should never be so! The life expectancy of the country keeps dropping and is currently at 53 years for Men and 56 years for Women according to the World Health Organization (2015 estimate).
Many people say that Nigerians have tough skin and even with all the problems, we are still alive and kicking. I refuse to follow that false trend, I see Nigerians on the road, hustling for scraps every day and all I see is the “Walking Dead”. What do you think? I’d love to know your thoughts in the Comments Section below. Thank You!

Written by Stephen Uba

I am the Pot of Beans behind Waterybeans.Com.

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