The Trials and Temptations we face everyday in Public Toilets.

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First of all some public toilets are not too bad at all, like the malls and cinema toilets, but mehn if you’ve stayed in any Nigerian School Hostel, Chai, you must understand the battles you must overcome to successfully push out your boneless brown skinned baby boys/girls.

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I have to start with the Girls first, cuz I know theirs is double, come on these species have something called “period’ coupled with the usual discharge of brown babies.
You guys have to be willing to always practice “stacking” feel free to use natural elements of your immediate environment to stack and make sure to stack a mountain of tissue papers or tree branches if necessary. It is never too much, trust me, all these toilets want is for you to drown in their wombs, Girl, you must arm yourself mehn.

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Sometimes, there is no tissue anywhere and you just gotta tear your innocent jotter and put to use, I am not a fan of this method, but if you enter into labour on your way to the library then I can’t really judge you, so far you throw it in the trash can and not in the toilet shaaaa! looool!

The Highly Controversial Hover Method: This style is for experts in the game, do not attempt it if you’re not fully prepared cuz you might crash land in the poop pond.

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That feeling right? Loooool! Its so annoying when you wanna go use the Loo and before you open the door, a nigga just walks out scratching his bum and holding an almost finished tissue paper. You will start considering whether you should postpone delivery time but mans not hot so the shit gotta drop! Poom poom dum dum!

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Do not just drop your protective tissue papers anyhow on the seat, fold them so that they can protect you more effectively from the wet seats.

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Do not be fooled by the dryness of the seats, these toilet seats may appear to be dry after cleaning them but the moment your bubble butt lands on them, that is when all of a sudden the seat will start sweating like it just came back from an Olympic Marathon Race.

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Sometimes, you may have tissue paper for your butt, but the stingy ass nigga who gave you tissue was economizing the rolls you took. In this scenario, you cannot lay the toilet seat anymore and so you may feel that “this is the end” but fear not cuz I have three escape methods for you below:
– Spiderman yourself on the wall and drop the bomb from the airspace.

Spider 1
– Do the popular signature 619 move.

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– Nigga will you stand up, loooool!

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– You can sit on the flushing system (this method works best with Toilets without seats)

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– You can curve your body and even twerk on the delivery.

After all these tips, I hope we are all encouraged and moralized to enter that public toilet when we are pressed, cuz no matter what’s in there, we got our safety covered and come on, its still better than using the old fashioned pooing in puff puff nylon and swinging in the thick bush around our hostel fence.

 

 

Written by Stephen Uba

I am the Pot of Beans behind Waterybeans.Com.

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