NIGERIA’S POWER PARODY

            Everytime everyone is shouting NEPA, especially during the Public Holidays, these may be the reasons why I always thought NEPA was my Next Door Neighbour when I was in my Twelvies/Elevenies or probably the only Guy that knew how to put on a light switch, since almost every Nigerian was so dumb that they always needed to call NEPA for help whenever the lights suddenly went off.


            Owk, let me leave my twelvy fantasies for my Ex-Imaginery Girlfriend, Mabella Umbrella. What I wanna spread open is Nigeria’s Fish Pond Yansh, Come on, you deserve to know how terrible your lights situation is.

            Whenever I watch the News, I see people complaining about no light in their Area, some of them say that they have not seen light for Six Months, others say that they will kill all those troublesome NEPA men that come to cut their light.


            All these NEPA men sef, can’t they make themselves useful and apply for mountain climbing in the Olympics, instead of wasting their Monkey Talent on those rugged looking ladders that always abandon them stranded on the electric pole, especially when they want to cut an Ifa Priest’s Households light, that is when all of a sudden, Rain will start falling and the supposedly unfortunate NEPA man/woman (I just dont wanna cause some gender inequality wars, looool), will get electrocuted.


            To start with, I can’t even imagine doing without light for a whole week, I might almost turn into stone and die off if it reaches 5 days sef (not kidden) and some people in the same Nigeria, have not even seen this light for almost 6 months, some have never ever seen light since the day their big heads came out of their Mum’s Beverly Hills Boulevard, the only light some of our village brothers have seen is Sunlight and by Sunlight I mean Sunlight Detergent (they only tell tales by moonlight in the village for a reason, loooool) (how many of you have ever heard of tales by Sunlight?). This is to say that, my dear, we live in a dark continent, called Africa and a void called Naija.


      Now lets dive into some statistics, cuz without proper analysis we may be left in the Darkness, without NEPA to save us. Nigeria is currently still using a 4,500 megawatts of electricity, which as usual we can’t even sustain, as in this savage amounts of watts still end up falling below 2,500 on many occassions, that is the period when the Minister of Power, Raji Fashola, will now start praying for God of Thunder to send down Rain and Lightening, so that at least our thirsty dams can relieve themselves of the constant dehydration they face on a daily and vomit one meager amount of wattabambam (aka. watts/electricity).


          As usual Nigerians just prefer managing everything in life than living it to the fullest, so we will now start using words like, at least NEPA dey try for my area, dem dey bring am from like 8.00 in the morning to like 5.30 in the evening, then dem dey show us love for midnight for like 4 hours. We keep saying this while other countries like the USA produces over 1,100,000 megawatts and this power is used by a country with just almost two times of our population, and they are still adding on it over the years and working on more sustainable ways of supplying power. Imagine, 180 people sharing 45 Coconuts (in Nigeria) and 325 people sharing 1,100 Coconuts (in US), this thought alone is Insane, how have we been surviving?

            Let’s not even forget that this inadequate electricity is not even spread across the country, as only 45% of Nigeria is duely powered with electricity. So NEPA whenever you are sneaking into my House to help us switch on the light bulbs, at least make sure you have a stable current, don’t go and bring that you low current near my compound abeg. Today is Christmas tho, so please come back oooooh, let’s make a truce “winks ang giggles”.      

Written by Stephen Uba

I am the Pot of Beans behind Waterybeans.Com.

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